This is what I have learned from walking through addiction to RECOVERY to my current Whole hearted life. You must be REAL.
I am copying this from the 1922 childs book The Velveteen Rabbit and also from the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.
“Real isn’t how you are made”,said the Skin Horse.”It’s a thing that happens to you..when a child loves you for a long long time,not just plays with you but really loves you then you become Real”.
“Does it hurt?”asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes”,said the Skin Horse,for he was always truthful.”When you are Real,you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once,like being wound up”,he asked “or bit by bit?”.
“It doesn’t happen all at once,”said the Skin Horse, “You become,it takes a long time.Thats why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily,or have sharp edges,or have to be carefully kept.Generally,by the time you are Real,most of your hair has been loved off,and your eyes drop out,and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.But these things don’t matter at all,because once you are Real,you cant be ugly,except to people who dont understand”.
In order to be sober and stay sober you MUST be real..truthful to yourself at all costs..this is imperative..
I love this quote as at Edgewood the rehabilitation facility I attended for over 3 months..I had to become Real..and get in touch with my feelings..
Be vulnerable and honest and know those who love you with all their hearts are in your life to stay and those who don’t you absolutely do not want or need in your life.
Do not get me wrong..I am not against social drinking..but anyone who is drinking to reduce anxiety or because of social awkwardness (who also has a predisposition for addiction) is walking a very high wire tight rope…with no net below.
I was using Alcohol to give me courage ..I thought it made me fascinating..articulate and charming..what I didn’t know was I already was all these things and drinking made me the exact opposite..a stupid, bumbling slop no one wanted to be around..I almost destroyed myself trying to be what I didn’t know I had within me all the time..
I thought Alcohol was my Prince Charming but it was actually the Dark Knight..I would have a very secret and illicit affair with for the next four decades of my life..I had invited the enemy into my boudoir and didn’t even know he was determined to steal my life.
As an adolescent I suffered from anxiety,I also had acrophobia when left alone in a department store, bus, or subway.
An invitation from a boy on a date filled me with dread..I was horribly shy..just before the young man came to pick me up my chest..neck and cheeks blossomed with huge red hot patches.
I was terrified I would put the fork in my eye rather than my mouth if taken to a restaurant I would tremble so much.
A small glass of sherry or port ..or 2..before the date arrived always calmed me down and relieved some of the anxiety.
Perhaps that is why when I moved to London United Kingdom in 1965 I kept a bottle of Bristol Cream Sherry in my pantry..I steamed the label off and put my own on Janes Nerve Tonic..and this was my go to before I went out for the evening..RED LIGHTS are going off as you read this but remember this was almost 50 years ago.
At first you are in denial..you begin to compare yourself to other friends and co workers at parties..So and So drank a whole bottle of wine at the party…I only had 2 glasses ..the fact that you had 2 jiggers of vodka before you arrived and polished the mickey off when you got home you don’t count into the equation..IN YOUR DISILLUSION .
DENIAL..Never draw comparisons.
If your life and relationships are falling apart…when you begin to wonder if you are a problem drinker I can assure you ..You probably are.
Please get help immediately…The only shame in alcoholism is not asking for help.
This is a mental dis-order and often genetic…we must get over the stigma of shame..The miracle of recovery and a whole hearted life is waiting for you…..I will walk through the stages of my disease in the next few months..and then the amazing life I am now leading..and how it can be available to ANYONE who wants it badly enough…
How to begin my journey from Alcoholism and Prescription Drug Addiction to a Whole hearted Life…
I use the word Shame because when I first realized I was an Alcoholic I thought this to be by far one of the most disgusting things that could befall a human being..OMG I was a Alcoholic…worse still I am a WOMAN…ALCOHOLIC..and a MOTHER and a WIFE.
For years I struggled with the Stigma of Alcoholism..and the fact that this horrible affliction was in fact who I was…A middle class woman..from a solid family..with a respectable responsible job..I had a perfect child, smart..a boyscout and and good kid..a husband who was a scout leader and a non-drinker..and here I was hiding bottles behind chests of drawers and in the toilet basin so no one would discover my nasty little secret..if you smile enough and try to be perfect no one will know, I lied to myself .Through this Blog I will explain my journey through my shame and find the courage to change my life.
How I found my way to a brand new life by first losing everything and found the courage to overcome my shame and get comfortable with myself ..become vulnerable..and finally LOVE myself and forgive myself and move through addiction into Recovery..and how my life has drastically change…